Have you ever felt mistreated? Maybe someone you trusted wronged you, and you didn’t know how to overcome it. We might deem it “right” to resent our treatment when we get hurt. Even a tiny slight can make us want to hold a grudge. And if we’re deeply hurt, that wound can fester into such bitterness that it affects our health. We might find ourselves playing the event over and over. Other people can snag us with resentment, but so can situations. Life can seem so unfair and disappointing that Satan might tempt us to unjustly resent God (cf. Job 2:9)!

When “Should” Is No Good

Resentment often comes from our sense of justice and fairness. What happens in our life doesn’t always fit what we think should happen. Usually, we think of “shoulds” as moral principles that guide us to make better choices, but when we expect life to conform to a set of “shoulds,” it can lead to bitterness.

Now It’s a Foothold

Malachi McCourt said bitterness is like “taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Maya Angelou compared it to cancer — “It eats upon the host.” I think of it like toxic mold growing in the darkness; we hope it’ll just go away, but it usually keeps growing in the dark, poisoning the air in the whole house. In lesson two of this series, we saw that if we don’t deal with our anger promptly, we give “opportunity to the devil” (Eph. 4:27). Or, as some translations put it, “give the devil a foothold” (Eph. 4:27, NIV). Like an enemy army claiming a new headquarters to launch campaigns in your territory, you’ve let Satan build an encampment in your heart. You didn’t deal with it, and now sin has grabbed you, like a wolf at your door (Gen. 4:4-7). So our first step is to confess (1 Cor. 1:8-10) — to identify and acknowledge the darkness we’ve let in so that we can repent and turn it over to the Lord.

Hardened or Tenderhearted

Instead of bitterness and anger, Paul instructs us to put on a tenderhearted and forgiving spirit (Eph. 4:31-32). Rather than hardening to our enemies, we must pursue the kind of love and mercy Jesus commanded (Luke 6:27-38) and exemplified (Luke 23:34). That kind of empathy and commitment to all people isn’t easy. Still, our perspective shifts as we pray for God to bless them (Rom. 12:14). Stephen was no weakling — he was a bold truth-teller, but he was also able to look at a hateful, murderous mob and pray, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts. 7:60). We seek God’s mercy for everyone, but we also accept his justice for them, and that allows us to let go of offenses — even when the offender refuses to repent. We know that God will avenge (Rom. 12:17-21), so we can say with David, “God will judge between you and me” (1 Sam. 24:12). God knows the truth, and he will vindicate us (Ps. 35:22-23).

Follow Jesus

When life seems unfair, keep your eyes on Jesus. Remember what he told Peter, “As for you, follow me” (John 21:22). He understands the situation and will lead you. Trust his forgiving grace when you err and offer it to others.