“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

What do people mean when saying something is like riding a bike? They mean it sticks with you once you get it. At some point, we’ll remove the training wheels and let go of the bike as our kids ride. Parenting is like that. We can’t save our kids or protect them from every danger, but we can give them momentum in the right direction. As an anonymous Navy Seal put it, “Under pressure, you don’t rise to the occasion; you sink to the level of your training.”

Proverbs 22:6 is a principle, not a promise (cf. Prov. 16:17). We need to be careful not to measure parents by a kid’s choices (Isa. 1:2). Even with all these caveats, what a helpful principle!

Momentum

The word “train” in Proverbs 22:6 (Hebrew: hanok) often means to “dedicate” or “initiate.” (You can hear the word “Hanukkah” in it, the Jewish holiday named for the temple’s rededication.) Bruce Waltke explains the meaning: “to start the youth off with a strong and perhaps even religious commitment to a certain course of action.” If we start them the right way, kids tend to keep going the same way.

Correction

When we teach kids how to bowl, we put bumpers on each side. Why? Because there’s a good chance they’ll end up in the gutters without them. They’re just not ready to do it alone without those boundaries. We don’t put those bumpers up when grown-ups play. If you’ve seen me bowl, you might think they should, but imagine how ridiculous we’d look if a bunch of us guys went out bowling and asked the attendants to put the bumpers up. Eventually, you succeed and fail on your own, but when you’re a kid, parents provide the structure, rules, and correction to keep them on the right path.

What is “the way” in our text (Prov. 22:6)? The verse could be translated: “Train up a child in his way.” That could mean “in a way that fits that child.” Not every child is the same, so parents need to skillfully shepherd each kid in the way that leads them on the right path. Douglas K. Stuart, a professor of Old Testament at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, translates the verse: “Train an adolescent in his own way and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

We correct to protect. Godly discipline doesn’t increase a child’s suffering; it minimizes it.

Another possibility, however, is that the whole verse is a warning. It could mean, “Start them off getting their own way, and they’ll always think that way!” So Richard Clifford, in his commentary on Proverbs, gives this paraphrase: “Let a boy do what he wants, and he’ll grow up to be a self-willed adult incapable of change.” Like people in the days of the judges, who did what “was right in their own eyes” (Jdg. 21:25), without leadership, kids might never grow past the worst of their childish ways.

Either way, the application is the same. Since “folly is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov. 22:15), parents must correct them and instill the wise and godly patterns they need. We must “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).

So we correct to protect. Godly discipline doesn’t increase a child’s suffering; it minimizes it. Our job isn’t giving them their way; it’s narrowing their way. Like bumpers around the bowling lane, giving boundaries and correction prepares our kids for future success.

Dirrection

So, how do we apply Proverbs 22:6? My father-in-law used to love to give us road maps with the way to a vacation spot traced with a yellow highlighter. These were routes he had taken a hundred times, but he wanted us to know the way when we weren’t following right behind him.

Parenting is like that. Right now, my kids travel with me. But at some point, they’ll have to make the trip alone. At that point, I’ll be ready to help and pray continually for them, but the direction of their lives will be theirs to decide.

You can provide your kids with a living roadmap. Highlight the route over and over with your life, your teaching, and your relationship with them.

Discussion Questions

• What habits and attitudes have stuck with you since your parents instilled them in you at a young age?

• What kind of training do you think Proverbs means when it says to train up a child?

• What do you think is the hardest thing about being a kid? What do you think is the hardest thing about being a parent?